Down Here All the Fish is Happy: Engrish Roundup

Having studied a bit of Mandarin, I actually have a bit of a clue as to just how hard it may be to effectively learn these two radically different languages.

That said, it’s still really funny to see one’s native language so misused.

Here are my remaining favorites, rediscovered while sorting the many pictures taken.

At the Aquarium:
Down here, all the fish is happy!
(look to the right for , “…us and eat us”

A subway advertisement for Biore face wash on the Taipei MRT promises a Happy Ending!

A department store advises that their products do not have testers:

Meanwhile, one may shop at
Kuda: For Curious Woman

For any emergency, please press this button:

Some just want to be Foved, at the Shilin Night market

And surely whatever snack is created when the,
“vegetable stick attaches the tartra sauce”
is worth a go…


Taiwanese Adventure V: Markets, Dinosaurs, & Saying Goodbye

Day VII: Wedding & Night Markets

We had a very busy day between the Wedding during the day and our night at the Shilin Night Market. (they got seperate entries)

This picture was taken outside of the Market.

Day VIII: Our last full day in Taiwan

Bright and early, Darren, Hildo and I headed out to the Jade Market in search of a gift for Hildo’s wife and a piece of jade for me.

The Jade market is attached to the Flower market, both of which are open only on Saturday and Sunday.

As our taxi dropped us off on the Flower side of the market, we wandered through it first.

The market has a huge orchid selection, and a large area is misted for their well-being.

The markets are huge. The volume of choice was a bit overwhelming, really.

After a while, Hildo found a pair of earrings, and an interesting jar, both of which he purchased.

I found this bit of jade on the right, and we headed back to the hotel to collect Bill, whom we were supposed to bring to the market with us, only he had slept a little late.

The Jade Market sells many pendants which one can have threaded onto a string. I chose a red one, which I was advised is traditional.

I was easily convinced to go back to the maket so that he and Peter could also do a bit of shopping while Hildo and Darren found us a suitable lunch venue.
Thus, more shopping and an excellent sashimi lunch followed.

(naturally, with beer!)

After lunch, we went on a wander towards the Confucius temple.
Unfortuantely, the temple was occupied by a dance off.

There was a lengthy wander to find various sites, which were inaccessible due to construction.

The adventure ended with a can of delicious blueberry lactic acid at the museum’s very air conditioned cafe.

We later headed out to the dinosaur and native American themed Indian Beer Hall, which as you can see from its exterior held lots of promise.

Upon entering the venue, we crossed a koi pond via a bridge with teeth!

The koi pond also contained a large skeleton, the tail of which goes over the bridge.

Heading upstairs delivered even more dinosaurs, even in the bathrooms!

We settled in to order, and enjoyed both the ease of the English menu and the interesting variety of cusine offered.

…and of course, we enjoyed the dinosaurs!
…and we definitely enjoyed the beer!

Day IX: Saying goodbye to Taipei

We headed to the airport after many goodbyes and an excellent breakfast.

As we had a bit of extra time, we stopped into the Starbucks at the airport, and in an effort to find something local, ordered green tea lattes. Admittedly, I seldom set food in a SBX, so while this beverage might exist back home, my assertion that it doesn’t is based on very limited exposure. It was very green.

Caffeinated as one can be from a bright green latte, we exchanged our remaining Taiwanese Dollars for Hong Kong Dollars, and made our way to the gate, beginning our journey home.

Hong Kong Dollars are especially pretty, and they kept us entertained in the next airport!

Taiwanese Adventure, Part IV: Taiwanese Wedding!

Attending a wedding of this tradition was a first for me, and as I failed to find a good account of the various rituals involved, I thought it might be nice to create one. If I’ve gotten some of this wrong, definitely let me know!

Wandering around Taipei, I kept seeing the same adverstisement for a wedding venue. It made me wonder, is this what a Taiwanese wedding looks like? I mean, would our friends dance on a giant cake? arrive at the reception by descending from the sky on a shiny platform? I sure hoped so!

We headed to the Silks Palace at the National Palace Museum in Taipei for the big event.

As the wedding we attended had guests coming from far and wide, the bride and groom opted to have their engagment ceremony and wedding all in the same day and in the same location. Cleverly, a lot of the steps and location changes were represented by changing rooms within the venue; although as a lot of the dialogue and instruction was in Mandarin, my interpretation may not be 100%.

As I understand it:

The engagement process is kicked off when the groom shows up at the bride’s house, possibly with six cars, a dowry in a red envelope, and a boom box playing Peter Gabriel’s, “In Your Eyes”.

Really, It looks a bit more like this:
(Lots of red ribbons for luck!)

Assuming that all goes well, the bride goes with the groom, the six cars, and the boombox to the groom’s parents’ home, where she makes tea for them. Assuming the tea is up to snuff, the groom’s parents will express their support of the union through further contributions to the dowry in red envelopes placed atop their empty teacups.

During the engagement process, gifts of gold are given by the parents to their new daughter or son in law, an engagement ring is given (to be worn in the middle finger), and the couple to be exchange six gifts.

Numbers are very important. The six cars, the six gifts… the wedding party will consist of two or six, but mustn’t have four, as fours are very unlucky.

Then, the bride’s mother will consult the calendar and use the bride and groom’s birthdates to determine the luckiest date for their union.

The marriage ceremony itself was very simple and beautiful. From what I gathered, it is where the parents of the bride give their final blessing, and the bride says goodbye to her parents. Traditionally, this is where the bride will leave home and join her husband’s family. It was a very emotional thing to observe. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the room. (I’m a sap and could take few pictures)

After that, it’s festivity time!

We headed up to the reception, where we, too, offered our gifts in red envelopes as well. We were advised that to not give any sum that contained a four or to give four bills.

Gifts are given prior to the reception, and typically one gives a sum of money which should cover the expense of attendance at the dinner.
The money from both sides is counted and recorded in a register.

Finding our seats was a bit of a challenge on the floorplan to the right! With a little help, we made our way to our seats and settled in.

Would the bride and groom arrive atop giant cake on hydraulics?

As it happens, they didn’t, but there were lots of bubbles for the bride and her father!

Traditionally, a reception will consist of a massive, multi-course feast. This one had twelve courses of wonderful food, some of which is below:

Including a little sweet for dessert!

I will go back and explain what all these dishes are, but if I don’t just publish this now, I’ll not do it for at least another week!

Unlike Western weddings, and much to the joy of my husband, there is no dancing.

Another interesting thing about a Chinese wedding:

The bride changes her dress three times during the festivities. Dresses are rented, rather than purchased.

(This was a Western-style wedding, which means a white dress was worn.)

During the feast, the wedding party visits each table and toasts with them.
The toast is done with two hands, with one hand on the bottom of the glass.
As a typical wedding is very large, many people will drink juice instead, as else, the wedding party might be needed to fireman carry the new couple around.

At the end of the festivities, we found that the only guests shuffling around and awkwardly engaging in lengthy, protracted goodbyes were the westerners. The local guests took their leave, right on cue.

We headed out ourselves with two red boxes to investigate back at the hotel…

American Food in Kending, Taiwan

While in Kending earlier in the week, we had a few meals in our hotel as a part of the booking package.

The first night, we accidentally found ourselves at the hotel‘s American Food festival.

I should have known this wasn’t a good idea when noted that Michigan had merged with one of the Great Lakes on my placemat.

Thing is, morbid curiousity had fully taken over, leaving reason miles behind.

Quite accurately, the meal kicked off with a sizable salad bar.

It’s really quite strange to the culture of one’s birth interpreted by a completely different culture.

It was definitely festive, though!

Taiwan has wonderful fresh fruit. I suppose I didn’t need to have both a vegetable salad and a huge fruit salad before dinner, but I can’t deny my own nature.

For an entree, I ordered the steak. It was mammoth.

I believe it may be the reason why Michigan is out of sorts at this feast.

Looking at the northern Midwest, as it typically looks in exhibit A, one can see how the Lake Michigan seperates Michigan and Wisconsin.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:
I believe that all this giant meat being shuffled around in Kending is affecting their antipodal friends in the American Midwest, merging Michigan, that bit of Wisconsin that sticks out, and Lakes Michigan and Superior. (Exhibit B)

Despite being frequently teased for my appetite, I managed to eat about a third of the steak because I had been a bit ambitious at the previously mentioned salad bar.

Our waitress was extremely concerned by my failure to eat more of the steak, and despite my genuine efforts to reassure her that I had enjoyed it, I’m not sure she really believed me.

Given that the Taiwanese are not a large people, nor are the Japanese who are frequent tourists to Kending and the Kenting Park, I couldn’t help but wonder if my culture’s stereotype of being a people who approach eating with the zeal of sumo wrestlers in training had been taken very literally.

Really, though, I just hope it all works out for Lake Michigan.

Best at Queuing: Taiwan v. England

I have observed that the English hold the ability to competently queue with the same high regard as that of skillful teamaking.

The BBC, in the article from which I sourced the above photo, even describes queuing as a, “typically British passtime”.

My belief that England was the home of a nation of ace queuers was rock solid, and I was proud to join the line and moan about the weather.

That is, until I got to Taiwan.
Queuing lines to board the trains, perhaps to help school the newcomers?
On the MRT (Taipei Subway):
and the High Speed Rail:

It didn’t end there. Even this bathroom, as well as quite a few others visited on the trip, had a designated queuing spot:

England, it might be time to consider yourself served…

Taiwanese Adventure, part III (back to Taipei)

Day V: Back to Taipei

Picking up where we left off, Thursday we hopped on the HSR for the two hour train ride back to Taipei.

Arriving around four, we settled back in, and got ready for the evening.

Our first stop in the evening was another of the 100TWD a plate restaurants for a lengthy dinner. Fortunately, we got a waitress who spoke some English!

Peter even showed off his chopstick skills before we went on a semi-successful bar hunt.

So, it wasn’t a bar, but a Chicago-style steakhouse.
Taiwan didn’t seem to have many bars, so we had to expand our definition.

We drank enough that Bill‘s hand vanished and then we walked home, enjoying a snicker at the,
“Sandy Ho Big Shoes for Ladies”.

Day VI: Achievement

Prior to the trip, Hildo sent around this slideshow in the Guardian, which summarized some of Taipei’s many theme restaurants.

We decided to visit out first, The Hello Kitty restaurant, for lunch.

We joined the other waiting people, who were looking at the massive cake display, and we took our place on a hot pink couch for a bit.

We basked in the sugary glow of many a Hello Kitty cake…

…until it all went awry. Hungry Time arrived for Hildo, and there was no going back.

It was a bit like when the Hulk transforms, only there was no violence or green.

We headed to the Italian restaurant next door, and thanks to
some foccacia, peace was restored in our time.

Our entrees were delicious!

Our next stop, Taipei 101 is currently the tallest building on Earth.

It has two observation decks on the 89th floor, and one takes the Guiness Record- holding elevators to get there.

While enjoying the very brief elevator ride, one can watch one’s ascent/ descent, complete with snazzy animation, on the display to the left.

The building’s design was modelled after a stalk of bamboo. There are eight sections, as eight is considered a very lucky number.

The view from the top is impressive, even on a very overcast day:

as is the view from inside:

Later in the day, we headed out to a restaurant that Bill (check out his site) found, Five Dime.

The restaurant is full of carved driftwood and other art by the restaurant’s owner.

The food was excellent; although we didn’t have a seat next to the koi pond.

A Night in Taipei, Sans Bill

This evening, our friend Bill chose karaoke with the wedding crew over a trip to the Shilin Night Market, here in Taipei.

He missed out on quite a bit! After a brief wander around the market, Darren, Hildo, and I spotted a friend of his

Naturally, we had to liberate him from that arcade, and we did with a bit of clever work from Darren.

After all that hard work, refreshments were in order!

But only for a little while, as there was much more to do and see this evening!

There were kittens,
waffles on sticks to purchase,
frog eggs, wow! to drink,

and strange t-shirts to browse!

After we had checked it all out, we decided to take our new friend on the MRT…

... after which we discovered a fish tank in the local subway stop!

The next and final stop was our hotel, to rest up for tomorrow’s adventures!

I wonder how karaoke was…